Top 10 Ways to Get your Partner out of Bed

Decided to compile a list of best methods I can get the wife to wake up this morning! At no time were any of these ideas attempted. We have a happy relationship. I’d like to keep it that way..

1. Airhorn.
One blast will put them on the ceiling, the second blast will bring out their animal. A third blast might be considered overkill, but may be necessary if you have a happy relationship. That will soon be gone.

2. Megaphone.
This is one-up from an airhorn because it [1] can play tunes, and/or [2] enables you to throw your voice across a football field. About 20years ago I purchased one that does both. Actually still have it. Going to sell on eBay very soon!

Vegemite on Toast

3. Body Noises.
You know the type. These are where the doona is raised like a circus tent and refuses to come back down. So will your partner. The trick here is not to telling anyone the square root of pi to 23 decimal places whilst releasing the noxious gas. Because nobody likes a smartarse.

4. Make breakfast.
Well, make an attempt. Even if you are the perfect cook, play dumb. Men, this shouldn’t be a problem. Periodically return to the bedroom to ask dumb questions. Where do we keep the egg yolks? Do you want frozen or melted icecream on your pancakes? How much is a tablespoon?

5. ... and this is as far as I got.
To those friends who tweet and/or are bookfaced, I welcome your suggestions. Whilst I only need 5 more for this list, I will add a “Part ~2”, “~3”, “~4”. That’d be 40 ways! If we reach 50, I’ll declare a national holiday. (#asificould).

So, what are your methods for getting the partner out of bed?

These methods should work upon GF’s, BF’s, wife over-nighters, inlaws and possibly aliens.

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