Dear bread, butter, and Nutella™ ,
Next time I engage your services for the pleasure of making a breakfast to die for, please give me written warning that you may fall NUTELLA™ SIDE DOWN onto the yellow rug in my lounge room.
When did you want to tell me that cats won’t always eat Nutella™, and they won’t be forced to lick it up? Why wait 14 years to let this happen? I had hoped that your staff, oops, I mean members would have been more willing to dine on the pleasures of hazel-nut spread, particularly a square meal on the end of my yellow lounge rug.
Your laws were supposed to have get-out clauses.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to learn this lesson. Though I am still waiting for the email telling me how the stain will be removed. Wait, a cat has decided to lick the patch on the floor. Look at that, whaddiya know! It seems the smell repulses them, but a slight lick between shaking of nose will enable them to clean up my mess.
Why didn’t you think to take photographs at the time of the event, during the cat-clean-up faze and during the gentle dabbing with water-sponge? Oh yeah, I remember now. Time was of the essence. ‘Worried concern that the wife would find out’ took a precedence over ‘Oh my what will the wife think of my culinary skills’.
Dear Cats (again)
Hope you enjoyed the Nutella™. I’ve decided to forgo breakfast and wait until Lunch to try again. Which is coming up soon. There’s no Vegemite™ in the pantry, which I know you hate, so you should be thankful.
Whilst I cannot blame you for this atrocity, I hold you slightly responsible for not giving me any warning that the bread had colluded with the butter to form a slightly heavier side of the bread. I will blame your lack of experience in soaking up the anger when I bounced anger off your shiny hard sides. Had I known all that you had seen before, I might have been aware that life has imperfections, horrid lessons to learn and Nutella™ and rugs just don’t mix well.
Hope you enjoyed milk on cereal at 10.am on a Saturday morning. Toughen up buddy, it could be worse. It might have been vegemite.