Breakfast Blues

Dear bread, butter, and Nutella™ ,
Next time I engage your services for the pleasure of making a breakfast to die for, please give me written warning that you may fall NUTELLA™ SIDE DOWN onto the yellow rug in my lounge room.
/CC TIFF

Dear TIFF,

When did you want to tell me that cats won’t always eat Nutella™, and they won’t be forced to lick it up? Why wait 14 years to let this happen? I had hoped that your staff, oops, I mean members would have been more willing to dine on the pleasures of hazel-nut spread, particularly a square meal on the end of my yellow lounge rug.

Dear Murphy,
Your laws were supposed to have get-out clauses.

Dear Life,
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to learn this lesson. Though I am still waiting for the email telling me how the stain will be removed. Wait, a cat has decided to lick the patch on the floor. Look at that, whaddiya know!  It seems the smell repulses them, but a slight lick between shaking of nose will enable them to clean up my mess.

Dear Brain,
Why didn’t you think to take photographs at the time of the event, during the cat-clean-up faze and during the gentle dabbing with water-sponge? Oh yeah, I remember now. Time was of the essence. ‘Worried concern that the wife would find out’ took a precedence over ‘Oh my what will the wife think of my culinary skills’.

Dear Cats (again)
Hope you enjoyed the Nutella™. I’ve decided to forgo breakfast and wait until Lunch to try again. Which is coming up soon. There’s no Vegemite™ in the pantry, which I know you hate, so you should be thankful.

Vegemite on Toast

Dear Toaster,
Whilst I cannot blame you for this atrocity, I hold you slightly responsible for not giving me any warning that the bread had colluded with the butter to form a slightly heavier side of the bread. I will blame your lack of experience in soaking up the anger when I bounced anger off your shiny hard sides. Had I known all that you had seen before, I might have been aware that life has imperfections, horrid lessons to learn and Nutella™ and rugs just don’t mix well.

Dear Stephen,
Hope you enjoyed milk on cereal at 10.am on a Saturday morning. Toughen up buddy, it could be worse. It might have been vegemite.

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